Substitute Teacher, or Student?
I have been a substitute teacher since December. I work at Paul R. Baird Middle School in Ludlow, MA, which is also my hometown and where I went to Middle School. Not much has changed, even the faculty has hardly changed since I walked those same halls as a student, and it was oddly comforting. On my first day when I walked into the office they were ecstatic to see me, or should I say, ecstatic to have another substitute. It felt weird at first talking to my now colleagues in an adult manner, when the last time I was in that building I had to ask them if I could use the restroom or had to sit in their classroom for lunch detention because I was caught chewing gum.
On my second day I walked into the office to check-in and grab my first period attendance, feeling a lot less nervous than the day before. It is important to note that at this time there was still a town mask mandate, so students were flooding the office trying to grab a disposable mask that was provided to them. When I walked in and grabbed the attention of the office receptionist, I got met with, “Can I help you?”. The italics are important because that is the tone of voice it was asked in. The second I said, “It’s Hannah”, her whole body language, tone of voice, and mannerisms changed. Clearly I was mistaken for a student (which I find kind of ridiculous because I truthfully do not think I look like I am twelve years old), however it alarmed me that regardless of if I was a student or not, that is the way they speak to their students.
On my third day, I was mistaken for a student again. I was spoken to in the same tone, extremely dismissive, until I entered the classroom and placed my personal belongings at the teacher’s desk rather than one of the desks meant for students. Mannerisms changed immediately.
I am sure that most teachers have a student that would be considered the ‘bad apple’ of the bunch. Disruptive, too talkative, doesn’t complete their assigned work. However, that information is usually not openly known, especially by the student(s) themselves.
“Don’t even give them a warning, just send them to the office” is the advice I received from multiple people of authority regarding a few sixth grade students I would have in the classroom I was in charge of that day, during the same period. Now I would not say I am a pushover when it comes to being a substitute, but I also would not say that I am not a pushover. I became one of those substitutes that students audibly cheered about when they walked in and saw me. This could be because I am young and not terrible to look at, or simply because I treat them with respect, which from what I have heard as well as witnessed, is not always the case within those walls.
Once I learned the names of these students I was warned about, I realized that I have had them at least one other time in my class, with no issues, for that matter. When AJ and Junior walked in and immediately started to get rowdy, I relayed the message that they were not getting any warnings that day, but I honestly doubt they believed me. The rest of the class got right to work, talking amongst themselves quietly and respectfully, but AJ and Junior got right to their…shenanigans. Instead of yelling at them or sending them to the office to be yelled at, I told them that they needed to sit next to me for the rest of the class, apart from each other, and complete the worksheet assigned. This was not viewed as a punishment by them, and they happily followed those directions. Now guess which students were amongst the first to complete the whole worksheet? (It was AJ and Junior).
What I took away from this specific experience was that these students probably act this way because they are not given the respect, or chance, they deserve. Coming back to school after a pandemic/online learning, constantly having substitutes which makes it hard to even form a relationship with your teacher, and continuously being scolded anytime you aren’t a model student is definitely detrimental.
“Why do you want to be a teacher?” is usually the initial response I receive from people when I tell them that teaching is the career I want to pursue. Of course they probably are curious, but by the way they ask it, it is obvious that there is a disapproving tone; with extreme emphasis on the word ‘why’. I am sure if I said I was pursuing a career in medicine, law, finance; the response would be much different. However, I am not becoming a teacher to receive praise or validation from other people, for the money, or even for myself. I have been thinking about that lingering question of why myself, and the answer I have is simple. I want to be a teacher because I want to be a positive figure in children’s adolescent lives, an advocate for them, all while sharing a subject (English/Literature) with them that I am passionate about. I want to be able to give students like AJ and Junior a chance to apply themselves. I do not want to constantly send students to the office simply because I couldn’t be bothered. I do not want to speak to my colleagues in a drastically different way than I speak to my students. I also most definitely do not want to be a teacher that students dread having to come to their class, which seems to be the way it is (with some exceptions) at Paul R. Baird Middle School.
In 2022, if you asked an array of teachers, paraprofessionals, daycare workers, even public school bus drivers why they chose the career they hold, I have a very strong feeling that their answer would sound a lot different than mine. Maybe five, ten, even fifteen years ago they might have felt the way I do now, but it is clear that the global issues coming to light regarding public education are not for the weak. Teachers are dropping like flies, and a career that should be viewed in a positive light seems to have a gray warning cloud lingering over it.
I do not think that there is anything that could happen that would deter me from actually wanting to teach. I know it is going to be difficult. I know I probably will not make a lot of money. But what I also know is that teaching is the career for me. I don’t know where or even when, but starting from the first day I welcome students into a classroom of my own, all I hope for is that I can help them enjoy learning again.